Moments That Matter Most

"Time is one of our most valuable possessions. Use it wisely. Remind yourselves often that things that matter most should not be left to the mercy of things that matter least." - O. Leslie Stone

No matter how small....

One day at church I was sitting in Sunday school and I felt very strongly that I needed to say hello to a fellow sister in my ward and see how she was doing. After the meeting I went to her and did so...at first she didn't say anything back and then broke down into tears. I didn't know how to respond but as I listened to her this is what she told me. She told me that she had been praying so hard for someone anyone to come and talk to her. She had just moved into the ward and was one of the only mothers in our ward so she hadn't been able to focus on making friends right away because she was focused on her son. But she wanted to make friends so badly and told me that I had answered her prayers. I was in shock and didn't expect such a response because all I said was hello. I learned a great lesson from a simple but touching experience, a small act of kindness goes a long way and if we listen to the Spirit giving us promptings we will all make a lot of differences in our brother's and sister's lives.

   Only God is perfect and we're all striving to be like Him. Perfection comes with time, with sacrifice, with love. We can't expect that perfection to come immediately or even in this lifetime, so we shouldn't set our expectations so high only God qualifies for them. In a book by Dr. H. Wallace Goddard called "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage" (short read and very powerful...HIGHLY recommend) he says that "The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others. God has asked us to do the opposite. We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others. It is not surprising that we have difficulties in marriage. We so often do the very things that will destroy our relationships. In great literature- including scripture- the highest and noblest service entailed sacrifice and selflessness." What matters most is that we understand the fact that we can't make a loved one's choices for them, we can't force them to say or act a certain way shoot that wouldn't be right anyways. However what we CAN do is change ourselves...to become better at loving, at encouraging, at sacrificing.
 

Being in tune with emotions...

We've been watching the Olympics the last couple weeks and I can honestly say I never get tired of  the "thank you mom" commercial. The one I have hyper-linked is the full commercial and I love it even more and I'll tell you why. As you watch it notice how the moms don't say "good job" or "oh, you're ok toughin up" once. They give encouraging words like "try again," "oops, up you go," and my personal favorite when the kid is crying and has snow all over him the mom doesn't say "shhhh, it's fine, you're fine" she says "I know, it's cold" in an understanding and loving tone. That touched me so much...very well done commercial. I don't see and hear too much of that in reality, but I think it's because parents don't know how much it can make a difference in the parent-child relationship and not only that, it helps the child's confidence so much more when emotions are not dismissed or looked down upon and when they're not praised for every little thing they do. Some think that if you don't dismiss their crying then they'll be a baby their whole life, not necessarily. They might be needy if you don't teach them how to regulate their emotions properly or how to properly handle the situation they're in, but if you help them with both and take the extra 3 minutes to do so it will make all the difference in the long run. Now I'm not saying "good job" is bad I say it too every once in a while but once I learned what it does and doesn't do for the child or just people in general, I've been trying hard to not do it because I know now what benefits the child, and everyone actually, even more. That's a whole new conversation in itself haha but back to the importance of not praising failure and not dismissing the emotions that come with failure but giving encouragement and teaching how to handle emotions and failure is key. Dr. John Gottman, a well-known marriage and family therapist who has done so much good for so many, has written a book called "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child". I would highly suggest reading this book I read it for one of my college classes and it works. I started practicing what he talks about and I have personally seen the difference it makes. It definitely takes practice and a dedicated effort but it can be done and like I said will help in the long run. I looked to see how much the book was and it's as low as $3, very cheap and very worth it. What matters most to us? To see that our children, the next generation, becomes successful in all aspects. Well one aspect we want them to be successful in is being understanding and loving towards others....but to do that in part you need to be in tune with emotions in general and how to sympathize, empathize, etc. You can't even do that if you don't know how to express your own emotions or know how to regulate them. Yes you can still love and yes you can still be forgiving and understanding if you aren't in tune completely or know how to regulate your emotions completely, however you can love and forgive and understand on a greater scale if you do know how.


" Intelligence That Comes from the Heart 
Every parent knows the importance of equipping children with the intellectual skills they need to succeed in school and life. But children also need to master their emotions. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world. And as acclaimed psychologist and researcher John Gottman shows, once they master this important life skill, emotionally intelligent children will enjoy increased self-confidence, greater physical health, better performance in school, and healthier social relationships. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child will equip parents with a five-step "emotion coaching" process that teaches how to:
* Be aware of a child's emotions
* Recognize emotional expression as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching
* Listen empathetically and validate a child's feelings
* Label emotions in words a child can understand
* Help a child come up with an appropriate way to solve a problem or deal with an upsetting issue or situation
Written for parents of children of all ages, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child will enrich the bonds between parent and child and contribute immeasurably to the development of a generation of emotionally healthy adults."

  

Enjoying the time...

Like I said yesterday Brandon and I were able to come to Butte, MT to visit his grandparents and today was just so relaxing. We all slept in, went to lunch and took a long drive to look at the beauty around us...and the elk...we've got a lot of hunters in the family haha. But it was so nice to be able to drive together and spend that time with one another. There was no rush, there was no worry...just time to spend. And it's funny to me because I'm always going going going, doing this doing that, me and Brandon and almost everyone I know lives a lifestyle like that and to be honest I kind of thrive off of that, however when life is like that I feel like I forget to enjoy life to a fuller extent. Not all the time but some of the time. And it's moments like today where there is no rush, no distractions, no worries...just time in building our relationships with one another. It was so great. And even at dinner we were talking about how fast time goes by, even just day to day...it's flying by. One of the signs of the second coming of Christ is that time will go by faster so it shouldn't be a shock to anyone however now that time is going faster we need to make a conscious effort to spend our time wisely and by doing those things that matter most. There are so many things to distract us in this world today and there not all bad things, but we need to remember to have moderation in all things. Shoot me I loooooove junk food, sweets in particular and I love watching movies. I'll be honest there are some days I'll watch a few movies a day because I like to have them on while I'm doing different things around the house but man I could be listening to talks, or music or talking on the phone with a family member or friend I haven't talked to in a while. Because are these movies going to build relationships for me? Nope. Are these movies going to help me become a better person? Maybe, the Blind Side really choked me up and motivated to be a better person...but there are other things that will help me be a better person with a long-term impact rather than helping me get excited about it in the moment.  So that is definitely something I need to work on. But at least I realize I have a problem with that and there are soooo many things that we all could be doing that distract us or are taking us away from things that really matter but if we at least recognize that they are distractions then that's a start to improvement. Earl Nightingale is an amazing man and motivational speaker. He talks a lot about goals, attitude, and spending your time wisely. We have a whole 24 hrs. and we only use 7-9 for sleep...that leaves 15 left in the day. Say you have an 8 hr work day or even 10 hrs...that still leaves 5-7 hrs....that's quite a bit of time. How do you spend that time? He just points out some great points and really gets you thinking. I encourage everyone to think about that because time is precious and it is taken for granted all the time. I'm guilty! But with a conscious effort time won't be a hassle or something "to beat" but something we cherish.

Matthew 18:3-5....learning from His little ones

My husband Brandon and I were able to go to Butte, MT today to see his grandparents. We left from Idaho Falls early in the morning so we could make it to church with them but ended up being late for sacrament meeting due to the weather and leaving a little later than planned. So we stayed out in the lobby and I couldn't be more grateful for doing so. We're listening to the speaker, who by the way gave a beautiful talk about addictions and the atonement of Jesus Christ, and a mother comes out with her little girl who's about 4 years old and her little boy who's about a year old. The mother was saying that they needed to go. The little says why? why? And mom says because! At that moment the little girl started to break down and cry. "Mom, I don't want to go I want to go to primary. Mom I want to stay!" Then mom started to explain why they were going...."we need to get your brother's bottle and we're coming back." The little girl didn't understand the coming back part of what she was saying so she continued to cry and throw a fit. I offered (not in front of the child, so it didn't seem like I was taking sides with the child's behavior) to watch the little girl while she went out to get the bottle. She told me not to worry about it and that she was going to get the dad. After this all happened it came to me....here I've had the blessing of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints all my life and there are times when I don't want to go, that I'd rather stay in bed because I'm so tired or some other poor excuse and here this little girl is balling her eyes out because she wants to stay and learn more about Jesus Christ. I was humbled and reminded of how lucky I am to have the gospel in my life and that we can learn so much from children. God himself told us that we must be like little children. And I have witnessed once again the reason why that doctrine is so important.
Matthew 18:3-5
"If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth." - Jean A. Stevens

 "If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.