Being in tune with emotions...

We've been watching the Olympics the last couple weeks and I can honestly say I never get tired of  the "thank you mom" commercial. The one I have hyper-linked is the full commercial and I love it even more and I'll tell you why. As you watch it notice how the moms don't say "good job" or "oh, you're ok toughin up" once. They give encouraging words like "try again," "oops, up you go," and my personal favorite when the kid is crying and has snow all over him the mom doesn't say "shhhh, it's fine, you're fine" she says "I know, it's cold" in an understanding and loving tone. That touched me so much...very well done commercial. I don't see and hear too much of that in reality, but I think it's because parents don't know how much it can make a difference in the parent-child relationship and not only that, it helps the child's confidence so much more when emotions are not dismissed or looked down upon and when they're not praised for every little thing they do. Some think that if you don't dismiss their crying then they'll be a baby their whole life, not necessarily. They might be needy if you don't teach them how to regulate their emotions properly or how to properly handle the situation they're in, but if you help them with both and take the extra 3 minutes to do so it will make all the difference in the long run. Now I'm not saying "good job" is bad I say it too every once in a while but once I learned what it does and doesn't do for the child or just people in general, I've been trying hard to not do it because I know now what benefits the child, and everyone actually, even more. That's a whole new conversation in itself haha but back to the importance of not praising failure and not dismissing the emotions that come with failure but giving encouragement and teaching how to handle emotions and failure is key. Dr. John Gottman, a well-known marriage and family therapist who has done so much good for so many, has written a book called "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child". I would highly suggest reading this book I read it for one of my college classes and it works. I started practicing what he talks about and I have personally seen the difference it makes. It definitely takes practice and a dedicated effort but it can be done and like I said will help in the long run. I looked to see how much the book was and it's as low as $3, very cheap and very worth it. What matters most to us? To see that our children, the next generation, becomes successful in all aspects. Well one aspect we want them to be successful in is being understanding and loving towards others....but to do that in part you need to be in tune with emotions in general and how to sympathize, empathize, etc. You can't even do that if you don't know how to express your own emotions or know how to regulate them. Yes you can still love and yes you can still be forgiving and understanding if you aren't in tune completely or know how to regulate your emotions completely, however you can love and forgive and understand on a greater scale if you do know how.


" Intelligence That Comes from the Heart 
Every parent knows the importance of equipping children with the intellectual skills they need to succeed in school and life. But children also need to master their emotions. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world. And as acclaimed psychologist and researcher John Gottman shows, once they master this important life skill, emotionally intelligent children will enjoy increased self-confidence, greater physical health, better performance in school, and healthier social relationships. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child will equip parents with a five-step "emotion coaching" process that teaches how to:
* Be aware of a child's emotions
* Recognize emotional expression as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching
* Listen empathetically and validate a child's feelings
* Label emotions in words a child can understand
* Help a child come up with an appropriate way to solve a problem or deal with an upsetting issue or situation
Written for parents of children of all ages, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child will enrich the bonds between parent and child and contribute immeasurably to the development of a generation of emotionally healthy adults."